"Crop out the crutch, OK?"
She broke her right leg in three places mountain climbing, but when I asked if I could take her picture with Liam she bounced down onto the ball of one foot--and didn't need my help getting back up again. Oh, youth.
That's Liam's new teacher. She is delightful, and we know her delightful parents. He is, predictably, utterly overwhelmed by her: she's quite tall, for one, and friendly chicks make him nervous. He's recently decided his teeth are ugly so he doesn't want to smile. Ever. That won't stop me from subjecting you to photos.
He's not excited by his very own desk. He's not happy about the crop of friends he's got in the class. He was decidedly UNhappy that Maisie's Dad accompanied us to his class; it highlighted the thing that bothers him most: she has one and he doesn't. I've found a counselor nearby who alleges she has experience in adoption and loss issues, and she's returned my call, and now I don't know whether to pursue it or not: whether to cast his unhappy in these terms; whether to involve another adult in interpreting and processing; whether to involve her, specifically. I find myself put off by her deep voice, of all ridiculous things; I want a soft and reassuring sound from the person who joins our lives for this purpose. Or would he do better with a male?
It is, I realize, just one of those times when I wish there were another adult around here. An arm around my shoulder; a deep voice calling his name. Can't dwell on it--it unravels me and it's pointless. But that face up there kills me, and in one fell swoop mitigates what I do give him, highlighting only what I can't.
posted by I n g e r @ Friday, August 25, 2006
8 Comments:
i am awestruck by your ability to free your feelings so honestly, and in such painfully beautiful ways.
it really gets me, deep in my mom-soul. you know?
liam's teacher seems awesome, which may mean more in the long run than his desk and his pals. the dad/no dad thing... there are no easy answers for those issue, but counseling helps them work through the sad thoughts they think.
I hear you, on so many levels.
Today Jonas and I, and all my daycare kids, went to my friend Ruth's daughter's 5th birthday party. It was all single moms and one single dad. Anarchy. Beautiful anarchy, but anarchy nevertheless, which we tried to curb, just a little, to avoid eating cake in the ER, and no one took any notice, until the man stepped in. Without yelling or threatening them-- just by the power of his deep voice, I think-- they all knocked it off immediately.
But who chased and caught the disgusting, probably rabid, rat that was loose in the apartment? Twice (when we weren't looking, Jonas' curiosity got the best of him, as it often does, and he opened the coffee can the big fat creature was trapped in. It subsequently leaped out and scared the ever-loving shit out of him. Not sure if he'll end up with a rodent phobia, or a coffee can phobia)? The women did.
Another thing: Jonas was "reading" through The Spooky Old Tree, a Berenstain Bears book where the little bears run into all kinds of scary stuff inside a tree, and then run home, and on the last page it's them running toward Mama Bear, standing in the doorway of their own tree house, arms outstretched, and it says "Three little bears, home again, safe, at last." So anyway, Jonas pointed at that last page, looked up at me and said "Mama make it all better." I almost cried. My mom did that-- does that for me, even though she’s half out of her mind. And now I get to do that for him, and he knows it.
I'm too exhausted to articulate why those things are relevant, but your post made them come to mind.
xoxo
My first thought was: "why does he have to be in school ?". Then I realized that at six a kid MUST attend school. For some children (or just for mine?) is it hard to be separated from their mother.
It was nice of M.'s father to accompany him.
As regards the main issue, let's look at facts. You aren't in any way responsible for the situation. You are conscious of the problem and you are doing your best to solve it.
I know it hurts, don't I know - every child is my child (and every grown-up too).
I hope cyberhugs help
Here's a great big one
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}
no one ever said it would be easy. in fact, if i creacall, what they said to you was that you cannot do it.. and that it is too hard.
clearly, you proved them wrong.. the naysayers and the naythinkers. youhave more heart, more unselfishness, and more simple love than most who walk this planet. how do i know?
look at your kids.. both of them.listen to what you say...
( you are honest, i see good and not so good here.. )
you will do the right thing. at the end of the day, it will be okay.
i am sure.
hugs Inger.. hugs
Liam seems like a great kid.
If you are really concerned that he needs a male mentor, and no one in his life fills the bill, perhaps you should check out Big Brothers. I have no personal experience, but I hear good things about them.
Here's the Md. website.
Big Brothers Big Sisters is a wonderful program. It is an idea. Finding someone who can help him with his feelings might be a great idea. There are times I think about it for K.
Liam's teacher is so adorable. He will come to enjoy his own space at HIS desk. He is going to have a wonderful year.
Love ya,
Sent off an inquiry to the local Big Brothers. Great idea, Grumpy! Thanks.
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