J'accuse!
Liamy's lifting loot, twice this week. He knicked a toy from the classroom, and confessed it to me nervously, admitting he cried a little when he put it in his backpack because he was sure he'd be caught. I was cool about it, but said he had to return it the next day. Then the next day he lifts a kid's bracelet off a mannequin at the Gap. Shows it to me boldly in the car, and says he didn't think it had to be paid for because it didn't have a pricetag on it. I can tell he doesn't really believe what he's saying. At which I jammed on the brakes, turned around, and walked him back into the store to return the bracelet to the clerk. He was mortified; I felt him shaking. I figured the lesson was learned.
Tonight I find a deck of Scooby Doo cards I've never seen before in his backpack. Tomorrow he's in trouble.
When I was in second grade I went through a stealing phase. Gilbert Ramos's magic markers. Jill Rasmussen's Dawn doll. An Arco-clipped collection of obsolete foreign bills some kid had brought in for show and tell. I'm mortified, thinking about it. My mother never questioned my stories when I got the loot home. Generous teachers. Generous friends. Then one night the teacher called--called every parent of every kid, looking for the thief. That night my father pulled me onto his lap in a rocking chair and rubbed my back with those unsentimental, calloused hands, and told me he would've bought those things for me if he'd known I wanted them so badly. No hollering. It was horrible; I cried and cried. The next morning my mother went into class with me before school started, and I hid behind her--too ashamed to look at the teacher--and my mother stepped to the side and nudged me toward the teacher. "Why did you take those things?" I remember her asking me. "I don't know," I said, and meant it.
"Next time you take something that doesn't belong to you," I said to Liam, "I'm going to make you return it, and I'm going to make you explain to the person you took it from why you did it." Finger in his face. Ominous voice. Flaming hypocrite, but that's just how it goes.
He looks at me in horror--can't fathom that I'd put him through such misery, and doesn't see himself in the equation at all.
Oh, life.
posted by I n g e r @ Wednesday, May 10, 2006
12 Comments:
oh my! I think a lot of kids do that.. at least a time or two..
my oldest tried it.. and I did as you did.. made him take it back.. I don't even remember what it was.. one of those cheap little things they put by the checkout for the kids to yearn for..
I once took a mascara that I forgot that I had in my hand.. I was roaing in the store forever carrying a thing or two of my own.. and left without paying.. I was so terrified for so long I didn't try it again..
Once or twice I have found , on checking my receipt.. that the potatoes on the bottom of the cart.. ( or litter, or whatever) did not get paid for..
I am ashamed to say that I did not go back and pay for it.. but I try to be careful .. especially at this little family store where it happened.. they don't look.. or seem to care.. so I have to be vigilant..
you're really an amazing mother. those kids are so lucky to have you.
You know you're a mother, not a buddy.
And you can't hide behind "Just wait till your father gets home."
Whatever lines one draws, they try to cross. Might as well draw the right ones. One of my kids was part of a group that made a little girl pay for the privilege of playing with them. We put a stop to that in a hurry--not on the schoolyard, even if it's what country clubs do.
Inger...you always make me think!!
Reminded me when Jonah was about six went through a similar looting stage..unfortunately/ we were at an Indian culture camp in WI/ which located at a babtist church camp..etc. He took something out of the bookstore...I made him write a letter and return them, he wasn't good at writing, so that was a punishment itself. the head of the gift shop wrote him a letter...very nice!!
take care, Kathy
There must be something in the air. At the end of the day I got one of my kids red handed. The little darling stole about 15 pieces of candy right off my desk. When I did a backpack search, I also found a little gift for the teachers meant for teacher appreciation week. He tried to blame it on every other kid in my classroom. This morning he finally admitted to the principal that he took all of it.
Your course of action would have been similar to mine. My niece, who is about the same age as Kiran, has gone home with many of Kiran's things.....Kiran would be dead if she did that.
You are a great mother.....
Mary
Life lessons.
I keep learning them from you!
STB
I stole something from a drugstore once and my mom made me take it back WITH a note to the pharmacist that informed him of what I had done...Needless to say, the public humilliation cured me! Good luck!
Making them return it and apologize and take whatever consequence is required seems to work pretty well...your threat is a good one. :) Public humiliation works.
As for taking Maise to a show you mentioned a few posts back...You're never to old for Broadway...Lion King is incredible for any age, its amazing. Rent is very rough...though the music is wonderful. I was concerned about my teenagers seeing it when they did.
I stole and stole and stole as a child. When my mother would catch me she would laugh and say, caught you again.
I didn't stop until the cop put his hand on my shoulder outside a store when I was 26.
In his own way, he was the first one that cared.
I love how you care. I love how you show that boy you love him.
rQm
doesn't everybody have a klepto phase?
mine came at twelve. my parents didn't believe in allowance. i wanted pocket money. i used to steal perfume from marshalls and sell it in the locker room at school for half of an already discounted price, until my mother found a bottle of benetton whatever and $43 dollars in my drawer.
my mother said she was going to make me return it to the store, but changed her mind, because a girl we knew worked there, and people gossip.
i wasn't relieved. it was the privacy of the arrangement, and the privacy it afforded me (where to with $43? the possibilities seemed endless)that i enjoyed. robbed of that, i stopped stealing.
parents have to be hypocrites. that's their job. imagine kids' sociopathy unbound by parental hypocrisy. the world would be even more unlivable than it is already.
"flaming hypocrite"? where did that come from? you think that because you stole as a child, or because your parents dealt with it differently than you did, or because you were not a perfect child, that you have no right to discipline your son?
you're a great mom, AND you're not perfect. quit calling yourself names, it doesn't help anything!
Once again, I find myself drawn to comment on your blog. This was such a timely read for me. This afternoon I am heading to school to deal with my daughter's stealing something from her teacher's desk. My daughter doesn't know I know yet. However, the teacher had all the kids write notes, and 90% of the class pointed the finger at my kid. This is incident 3 in 3 days. And making her apologize or take things back doesn't seem to work. Sigh.
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