Well look, Virginia, here's the thing...
"I don't believe in Santa Claus," Maisie tosses off, in the car on the way to her Dad's. She glances at me and grins, one hand almost over her mouth, watching and waiting. (She's been talking to her niece, Shaina, who's 2 years older than Maisie thanks to the intricacies of the modern family.)"You're kidding!" I say, acting surprised, covering my panic. Moment of silence; I'm not completely sure she's really completely sure she wants to push this just yet. "Well," I say, "there are a lot of people who don't believe. And some people don't believe for a while and then they believe again. I believe enough for both of us." Belief being one of those amorphous, complex matters.
"I believe, too," she says. But it's a semi-colon. You can tell.
What on earth will I tell her? What if she says it again before Christmas? Do I spill the beans now, or play it out through one more Christmas? She might think she wants the whole tale, but man, it's a bummer; took me years to enjoy Christmas again after I found Santa's wrapping paper in my parents' bathroom closet.
Who's been through it? How'd you do it?
posted by I n g e r @ Saturday, September 17, 2005
15 Comments:
Play it off for one more year...she will go along, I am pretty sure. then explain that there really is a santa claus ...
Sometimes men dress up as Santa to remind us to be generous and loving. Sometimes we show people we love them by giving them gifts. That is the way Santa does it. And gifts don't always have to come wrapped in red paper..
sometimes a gift is a little note telling someone you love them. Sometimes it is sharing your apple or maybe your book..
Anything we do because we care is a gift, and the Santa we see is just there to remind us.
When you have 4 kids in five years.. youdon't really go through this four times. I went through it with Adam first.. my oldest.. and then .. the rest came in one big clump... Craig.. son #2 was really good about it.. he kept quiet.. thats the way he is.. just gave me that raised eyebrow thing and went along.. Then Amy..child number 3.. well.. there is nothing quiet about Amy.. so that was that..
I still give them gifts from Santa .. something every year..
of course we gave gifts from the pajama fairy each christmas , too.. and we all still beieve in him/her (depending on the year.. )
We also had a rice krispy treat fairy.. and a leprechaun who turned out milk and eggs and etc green each st patricks day until they left home to go to college or militar.. that chap sitll visits now and then..
The tooth fairy was also around when the kids needed some extra cash for this or that and didn't quite have it.. money under the pillow.. sticking out of course.. this would happen when i would say tht they had to make the money on their own. .. if they made a good try and fell short.. and the skating trip etc was looming.. the tooth fairy ... who had become quite fond of them over the ears.. as one fairy is assigned only a certain number of families.. and then.. sort of waits around for the grandchildren etc to come along.. would pitch in... and simply would not listen to my pleas to stop !
No one ever believed in the easter bunny at my house.. and no one got much candy.. star wars sheets..or sweatshirts.. always two books to read, new crayons all around and a sketch book and coloring book.. and we all colored the eggs! sometimes i had blue and green handed children for many days...............
ahhh memories.. sorry for going on..
tough one.. i know you can handle it ...you are a fabulous mom!
the babies are starting to grow up..!
In your house.. I am sure that they will learn that there really is no santa.. but that there really is.. with no trouble at all
hugs
k
the longer they can believe, the better, i say...
when my kids were small some older kids who went to the same babysitter told them there was no santa...they were crushed...this is what i told them...
of course there is a santa!! but he is getting on in years and so now he needs lots of help...he has the mommies and daddies helping him, and all these guys dressed in suits are his helpers as well...
they bought it...
peace...
p.s. i loved mckait's comment...all santa really is is the essence of giving...who would want to lost that?...peace...
When they begin to doubt, bring them in on the conspiracy. They'll play along with the ritual, especially if there's a stuffed stocking in it for them.
I say don't give it up, ever. My parents never did, and I thank them. At some point I figured out it was them, stuffing my stocking each year, but I didn't want to give up the magic. There isn't enough magic in life as it is-- too much explanation, too much proof. Just give your little one the twinkling eye...
It's funny that this is the topic of your post because my son just asked me yesterday if I thought reindeer could REALLY fly. We had a talk about the book Polar Express(one of our favs) and about believing. I then asked him what he believed. He begrudgingly said he thought so, but I think he's right on the cusp of figuring it all out.
This parenting stuff isn't for woosies. Those little buggers keep you on your toes. Half the time I'm thinking, "Geez, who put ME in charge?"
It's funny that this is the topic of your post because my son just asked me yesterday if I thought reindeer could REALLY fly. We had a talk about the book Polar Express(one of our favs) and about believing. I then asked him what he believed. He begrudgingly said he thought so, but I think he's right on the cusp of figuring it all out.
This parenting stuff isn't for woosies. Those little buggers keep you on your toes. Half the time I'm thinking, "Geez, who put ME in charge?"
It's funny that this is the topic of your post because my son just asked me yesterday if I thought reindeer could REALLY fly. We had a talk about the book Polar Express(one of our favs) and about believing. I then asked him what he believed. He begrudgingly said he thought so, but I think he's right on the cusp of figuring it all out.
This parenting stuff isn't for woosies. Those little buggers keep you on your toes. Half the time I'm thinking, "Geez, who put ME in charge?"
Birds fly over the rainbow,
why oh why can't I?
Youth...fleeting.
I love how much you love those kids!
STB
I'm 28, my sisters are 26 and 24 and the youngest is married...but we STILL do the whole santa thing at christmas - stockings and all. I think when each of us stopped believing in the Santa that went down the chimney and all that, we just kept going along with it. It definitely wasn't traumatic for any of us. I remember thinking,"This doesn't make sense - but that's okay - I still get presents." and moving on. I'm not sure I even told my parents...in any case, they still go along with it, too!
So I say - keep it going! She'll decide on her own when she's ready and continue with you.
Inger,
I think that how you handled yourself with your children was terrific. Sometimes knowing but not-knowing is a great developmental stage. Children get to realize what is special and magical and real, and what becomes sacred as a result.
~Deb
My mom told me the truth when I was in 4th grade (9 years old). We were on our way to sign me up for band when she told me.
I was mad because everyone had been teasing me about it for a while and my mom just kept on saying that only those who believe get presents from Santa, so I told her I believed, but I felt a bit like an idiot and lied to when I finally found out.
When I got the nerve to ask, I think she should have told me the truth then, instead of dragging it along.
But then again, you know your child better than I do and I'm sure you know what would be best for her.
After my oldest found out, she LOVED being in on the secret and never spoiled it for her sister.
Santa still visits and fills stockings for my girls and their husbands (who are all in their thirties.) When they are not home for the holidays... stocking stuffers are included with the package of gifts they receive from me.
Inger ... :)
All I can do is to tell you how I've handled in with my kids.
I put it off for as long as I could but the enevtual outcome is a good one:
..the first few times they asked I felt they were worried about what I'd say...and I knew they wanted to keep believing even if they had doubts so I just said, "of course I believe in Santa. And yes Santa is real."
and then.....when they were about 9 (my youngest isnt there yet) and they asked me more insistantly (I could tell they were ready now)I said this:
"Yes Santa is real...But not in the way you might think. Santa is the spirit of love and giving and sharing. Santa brings happiness to people in unexpected ways. Santa make not literally slide down the chimney, but Santa does make wishes come true and brings smiles to people's faces. And now that you are old enough...something very special is going to happen. You are going to become Santa too. This is a very special honor, and you have to be responsible enough to keep it magical for those who don't know the special secret of Santa. This year you get to see what it's like to spread that spirit of love and giving. You get to help surprise others with gifts or special surprises that you will be a part of planning. You will see how wonderful it feels to be Santa....and you'll understand the spirit of giving...and how Santa is truly real.
This worked really well with my two boys. They loved becoming Santa...and still love it today. And they were ready by the time we told them al of that. But you know your own kids. Go with your gut feeling on what will be right for them.
Inger ... :)
All I can do is to tell you how I've handled in with my kids.
I put it off for as long as I could but the enevtual outcome is a good one:
..the first few times they asked I felt they were worried about what I'd say...and I knew they wanted to keep believing even if they had doubts so I just said, "of course I believe in Santa. And yes Santa is real."
and then.....when they were about 9 (my youngest isnt there yet) and they asked me more insistantly (I could tell they were ready now)I said this:
"Yes Santa is real...But not in the way you might think. Santa is the spirit of love and giving and sharing. Santa brings happiness to people in unexpected ways. Santa make not literally slide down the chimney, but Santa does make wishes come true and brings smiles to people's faces. And now that you are old enough...something very special is going to happen. You are going to become Santa too. This is a very special honor, and you have to be responsible enough to keep it magical for those who don't know the special secret of Santa. This year you get to see what it's like to spread that spirit of love and giving. You get to help surprise others with gifts or special surprises that you will be a part of planning. You will see how wonderful it feels to be Santa....and you'll understand the spirit of giving...and how Santa is truly real.
This worked really well with my two boys. They loved becoming Santa...and still love it today. And they were ready by the time we told them al of that. But you know your own kids. Go with your gut feeling on what will be right for them.
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